Friend of a Friend

TW: Sexual assault

Do you remember the first kiss?

You asked, “Do you want me to stop?” I said yes. The rest is blurry. I was in a maze, I thought I was wasted, or broken. I thought it was my fault when you followed me into the bathroom. My vision blurred, my memory was foggy,

How did we even get there? What was I drinking? Where did your friend go? I thought I was safe until your tongue was down my throat.

How long did I pass out? Why were you still in the bathroom when I left the stall?

I escaped, at home with the one I loved, away from being trapped by you.

I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t close my eyes. I was back inside your deep-red maze, a kind of hell.

Nestling into her never felt the same again.

I made many mistakes, but you took my home away from me. You took my sense of trust for the woman I loved.

Every turn I made was a trap; I couldn’t find an escape.

The door was open to me all along, the glow of a home was straight ahead. Nothing looked right inside your maze.

DOWN was UP, OPEN was CLOSED, SAFETY was FEAR, HEAVEN was HELL and STOP meant GO.

All the love I had, and lost, became the collateral to get me out. Flesh down to the bone, bloodshot eyes, rotting teeth and a heart devoid of its owner.

I rebuilt myself; Piece by piece down turned back up, rotten became anew, and my heart found a home, where a kiss means heaven and no longer hell.

You have intoxicating, destructive behaviour and I’m finally sober without you. The first words you ever said to me were a lie. I see you more clearly now, lying in bright red.